Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Coming Home

I've been here before. I can't believe I'm here again. I thought this place was gone forever. But it wasn't.

I loved this place with all my heart. It was part of my soul. I'm pretty sure it was imprinted in my DNA. It must be. Why else would I still be here?

It brought me connection. It brought me hope. I smiled for the first time in years in this place.

It brought me laughter. It brought me joy. It brought me desperately needed respite and reprieve. It even brought me twinkle lights!

It gave me some of the dearest friends I've ever known. It gave me sunsets on the water. It gave me silly signs. It gave me flowers in May and colors in the fall. It turned me into a Storm Trooper and gave me some of the best laughter of my life. It gave me people in almost every state!

It nearly shattered me when it broke. A huge part of me died when all that was left was a pile of smoldering rubble. All that I'd worked for. All that we'd built. All of it was gone.

So much loss. So much hurt. So many big feelings. So many tears. So much to grieve.

So many lost their lifeline. So many got burned. So many lost hope. So many things changed. So many I thought were my friends were not.

Too much drama. Too many twisted minds. Too many lies, too much pettiness, and too much deceit. So many things I never saw coming. So many things I never wanted to learn.

No more blinders. No more illusions. No one can ever unknow what they know once they know it. No one can ever go back.

Not everyone understands. Not everyone will support you. Not everyone likes you for you. Sometimes they only like what you do. Not everyone is who they profess to be. Not everyone is your friend. Sometimes hell rages loudest when you're doing good things.

Too much to do with not enough help. Too many said yes when they should have said no. I should have said no, but instead, I said yes. I loved them and wanted to help. I had found hope in the darkest abyss and wanted to share.

In the end, it was all just too much. It needed to go.

Imagine my surprise when I saw the land was once again for sale. At first, I scoffed and could never imagine going back there. What use could it ever be to me again?

And yet, I found it for a reason.

I've carried ashes and rubble of this place with me for years. It's kept me small. It's kept me scared. It kept the wounds open and bleeding.

That time is now past. It's time for the Phoneix to rise once again. It's time for Hope to Rise again.

This place taught me so much. It taught me I could. It taught me I should. It taught me to teach. It taught me to love. It taught me to reach. It taught me to let go. It taught me to forgive.

Most of all, it taught me to grow.

They say the Phoenix never truly dies. When it's mission is through, it burns out and becomes ashes. But it isn't really gone. It's merely resting for a season. She will rise again when it's time. Each time she does, she comes back stronger, bolder, wiser, and more beautiful than she was before.

From the ashes of what once was, the Phoenix has awakened. She's rising again and ready to soar. She's shaking off the rubble. She's wiping off the soot. They've served her well, they've kept her safe. She no longer needs them to protect her. It's time for her to shine again.

There is still light in this place. There is still gold in its hills.

 Redemption has come full circle. The Phoenix has come home.

She didn't know how much she needed it. She couldn't imagine that anything ever could or would heal what was broken. She didn't even know it was possible...until it was and it did.

She isn't the same as she used to be. Indeed, she's bolder, wiser, stronger, and much smarter. She's learned so much, both for better and for worse. She's learned she can, she must, and she will.  She is, after all, a Phoenix!

It's only fitting that this place continues to shine and continues to support her growth...not as she was before, but now as Serenity Links Coaching.